What's done is done.

So I sit here tonight wondering who in the world came up with the saying "No use crying over split milk" for I believe it was a male and if not this person obviously never worked so hard for their milk just to have it spill.

9 Months, my baby is 9 months old today and that marks 9 months I have been pumping for him, which is 274 days. When I started for the first 12 weeks it was 10 times a day for 30 minutes I have been able to drop some here and there and now I'm at a lovely 4 times a day but usually for 1 hour UGH. That's 4 hours everyday I sit like a moo cow hooked up to a machine trying to do my very best to keep up with my little mans needs. After reading that I'm sure you might think there is a little aggravation in it and I'm sure your wondering why I even continue.

When Miles was in the NICU, the first few days there was NOTHING we could do for him I wasn't even able to be at his bed side so he could hear a reassuring voice. Once he was able to start having feeds his Neo told me "Now mom this is the ONE great thing you can do for your son, day and night whether your here or not if you bring him milk he will thrive". That gave me so much will power, I could get up at 2 AM cause that's when you produce the most milk for some awful reason, I could bring him any and everything I made for him so he could have mainly my milk, I could spend so many hours doing this for him. The second day I remember saying to Brian and my sister Chantelle that I was embarrassed to call the nurse to get a syringe for the TINY drops I had finally produced, they urged me to and when the nurse came in she was so proud of me! I had to remember he still wasn't even eating so it would all just stack up.

I kept a couple little logs in my phone when I was up in the middle of the night in the hospital bed while sister and Brian were sleeping and I was trying to make food for my son, here is one I will share:

Sitting in the dark at 4:30 in the morning trying so desperately to get a little milk to flow so that later today when I'm forced to leave my little boys side, at the very least I could leave him with something that will continue to help him get stronger. its such a weird feeling being a "mom" and so far the only thing I have been able to do for my baby is provide him milk and ITS being stubborn. - For the record I was drugged, tired, emotional and only got 1.5 Mils lol that's it.

Going through the NICU and even now I'm very proud of myself for continuing to pump for my son, it's so good for him to have. It may be HARD and I may drop his bedtime bottle off the counter and loose 4 oz of milk in one quick swoop, I might cry a little over this split milk which I allow myself to do but I will pick it right back up tomorrow and the next day and the next because my little man deserves it.