Mom Moments

Its Mother's Day Yay!!! Im so happy that im a mom to my amazing little man Miles. He makes me so happy everyday, no matter whats going on he can always ALWAYS make me smile.

Other moms out there will understand what I mean when I say mom moments, you know those little moments that truly make you feel like a MOM. Here are a few of my most treasured mom moments...

The very first time I truly felt like a mom was after they deleivered Miles and assesed him, wrapped him up and were leaving the room to get to the NICU the Neo Nurse called out "Mom, look at your beautiful son" she pop his head up from the bed and I got to see his amazing little tiny face in that moment I felt like a mom.



The next time I saw him was over a day later, seeing him again and touching him felt amazing but something was missing it just wasent that true mom feeling I wanted to feel again until day 4 when an amazing Nurse asked "have you got to hold him yet?" I answer no (he had his painful chest tube still in). She then says "it's been long enough" puts her hands under him and all his many tubes and lifts him into my hands (im tearing up just remembering it). While im standing there feeling absolute bliss and loving this beautiful moment she says to me "He has alot of tubes but he also has alot of spots ready for kisses, kiss your baby." This moment made me feel like a mom.



Many moms dream of the first time feeding there baby that wonderful moment skin to skin or cradling there little one. After 8 days of having only TPN/IV my little man got to try some of the Milk I had been desperatly trying to make him. HE LOVED IT and I loved providing for my son, being a mom.



There are so many mom moments I have got to have alerady, craddle holding him finally, giving him his first bottle, getting to take him home, bathing him for the first time, watching him learn and grow from the things we do and say to him.

Some of my other favorites I may not have pictures of but they mean so much to me...when he is up set and crying how if i simply pick him up he just stops, he needed his mom. When I lay him down to sleep how he puts a hand on my face to know mom is there with him. How lately when he is sad or needs help I hear a mmmumm muuummm beautiful words to any moms ears.

I love being a mom and I love that I have so many more of these wonderful moments waiting in the future. Him walking to mom!, standing in the outfeild at his first teeball game yelling "HI MOM!!", waving like a mad man at momma during his first play at school.

Im so excited for this mother's day and every other one to come where I get to look back on all my wonderful mom moments!

My Preemie Family

A lot of my family and friends may be confused by my FB status updates about other preemie babies or preemie topics in general so I thought I would try and shine a little light.

When I found out I was expecting Miles I was searching some stuff online and came across a Community Support board call Babycenter. There are tons of different kinds of groups here but I was just looking for one, Miles birth month board (ladies all going through the same thing at the same time relatively). So I signed up and joined August 2010 Birthclub, for the most part I just read funny posts from hormonal ladies but there was a few great posts of information that was helpful as an expecting first time mom. Then Mr Man came early and all of a sudden I wasn't a hormonal pregnant lady anymore, I could no longer relate to the giant uncomfortable belly or the middle of the night cravings. No I was in my own little worried world, completely alone and so unfamiliar with everything.

I remember the night after he was born I was up at 3 AM getting vitals checked and pumping when I stumbled across Preemie Parenting Group. These ladies without a doubt have been my saving grace through this last 10 months, some ladies had insight from past experiences some were right there going through it with me. Some came along after seeking that same comfort from me. No matter what the question was there was always a response even if it was just a "hug I know its hard" and I appreciate these responses more then anyone could know. I'm now part of the group on FB and the support just continues cause as these ladies know the preemieness doesn't just poof when they start to grow and I just see and experience so much love and support amongst these Ladies. They truly are my online family and some may not be able to grasp that but its ok, I however will be forever thankful for them.

On the Miles front he is recovering slowly but surely, he only needs to take medicine about once a day which is great from constant! But even though he can be uncomfortable from time to time he is still such a happy great little man that I love so very much.

It's Okay

First a bit of back story. When Brian and I were expecting our bean we decided not to find out the sex before he arrived, so we had to be prepared for a little boy or girl. In getting ready I told Brian that I wanted him to make the decision on whether or not we would circumcise our son if we had one, I believed he was in a better position to make such a decision. In the end we weighed all the pros and cons and choose we would Circ him.

Fast forward to our baby's early birthday and hearing "It's a boy!". Now normally this procedure is done in the hospital within days of birth or maybe the first Doctors visit, however as with ALOT of things that we had a change of plans this did as well. They wont Circ in the NICU as they don't want to cause any more distress or pain along with what these babies are already going through. They will also only Circ in office up until the baby is 29 days old, Miles was released at 25 days old but that was a Saturday and tho we saw his Pediatrician on Monday (27days) they couldn't fit us in.

So now we are referred to the Urologist, they will not do anything until he is at least 6 months adjusted so for Miles that means when he is 8 months, this is because they have to use General Anesthetic. So we just had our Pre Op last week and saw the wonderful Nurse Practitioner who gave us the run down on this not so regular Circ.

We will get called tomorrow with a time he is scheduled probably earlyish, he cant have anything but clear liquids for 4 hours prior, when we get there they will get him all checked in and give us a gown for him. When its time for his surgery the Doctor and the Anesthesiologist will come in and talk to us then I have to hand my baby to them (if he has a hard time they will give him anti Anxiety meds), they carry him back to the OR cradling him, put a little mask on him till he falls asleep then set a IV and get to work. Yay for him not feeling the poke!. This will take 1 hour then we meet him in recovery where we are NOT allowed to touch him what so ever until he wakes up and then I can cuddle my little man and feed him. He will have a week of pretty bad pain and then a month of recovery with diaper changes every hour to hour and half, lots of baths and TONS of Vaseline.

So what I have to keep telling myself is, it's okay to be nervous my baby is going "under", it's okay to be scared it's okay to feel bad. People may think oh its just a Circumcision that's nothing but its alot to me its alot to think about, to stress about, to worry about. I KNOW he will be ok, I know it, but its still OKAY to be nervous.

Nap Time!

Is not so much a fun time at least not for me!

So I just spent a good 30 minutes getting Miles down for his first of hopefully 2 naps today. A couple days ago I figured out that if I put Miles on his tummy to nap it will actually last longer then half an hour actually both times so far he has slept about 2 and a half hours!

Whew so he is asleep at least for a little bit, time to relax! Nope not for me! Poor little man is having some separation anxiety and will just cry and cry if I'm not in the room with him. I have got a bit creative with putting him on the Kitchen floor playing while I do dishes or sticking him in the Moby wrap while I fold laundry but unfortunately that only lasts so long as Mr Miles just wants to sit on the floor and play while mommy stays within a arms reach. (Not that I really mind!)

So Nap time = a quick swipe through the living room to pick up the toys sprawled all around, grab the ones I need to wash along with any random dishes around and head for the kitchen. This usually looks like a tornado just recently touched down in there so I through the toys in the sink filled with bottles and run the hot soapy water. Unload the dishes, load the dishes, wash the dishes that can't be loaded. Scrub the bottles while trying not to burn my hands cause I make the water that hot! Grab my Lysol wipes and go to town disinfecting all the counters, light switches and door handles. Take a breather! Grab the mop and scrub the floors, fold some laundry while it dries. Pull dinner out if needed and prepare, put the clothes away. Sit down at the PC and surf FB while I tidy up the desk............Relax..............just in time for Little man to wake up to play with mommy once again!

So while I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get these things done I'm SOOOOO grateful that for one I get more then 30 minutes to do this in lately and two that I get to stay home and watch Miles grow and learn and play with me, that's worth all the chores and more!

Thanks Dad for being our bread winner so I get to take care of Miles!

What's done is done.

So I sit here tonight wondering who in the world came up with the saying "No use crying over split milk" for I believe it was a male and if not this person obviously never worked so hard for their milk just to have it spill.

9 Months, my baby is 9 months old today and that marks 9 months I have been pumping for him, which is 274 days. When I started for the first 12 weeks it was 10 times a day for 30 minutes I have been able to drop some here and there and now I'm at a lovely 4 times a day but usually for 1 hour UGH. That's 4 hours everyday I sit like a moo cow hooked up to a machine trying to do my very best to keep up with my little mans needs. After reading that I'm sure you might think there is a little aggravation in it and I'm sure your wondering why I even continue.

When Miles was in the NICU, the first few days there was NOTHING we could do for him I wasn't even able to be at his bed side so he could hear a reassuring voice. Once he was able to start having feeds his Neo told me "Now mom this is the ONE great thing you can do for your son, day and night whether your here or not if you bring him milk he will thrive". That gave me so much will power, I could get up at 2 AM cause that's when you produce the most milk for some awful reason, I could bring him any and everything I made for him so he could have mainly my milk, I could spend so many hours doing this for him. The second day I remember saying to Brian and my sister Chantelle that I was embarrassed to call the nurse to get a syringe for the TINY drops I had finally produced, they urged me to and when the nurse came in she was so proud of me! I had to remember he still wasn't even eating so it would all just stack up.

I kept a couple little logs in my phone when I was up in the middle of the night in the hospital bed while sister and Brian were sleeping and I was trying to make food for my son, here is one I will share:

Sitting in the dark at 4:30 in the morning trying so desperately to get a little milk to flow so that later today when I'm forced to leave my little boys side, at the very least I could leave him with something that will continue to help him get stronger. its such a weird feeling being a "mom" and so far the only thing I have been able to do for my baby is provide him milk and ITS being stubborn. - For the record I was drugged, tired, emotional and only got 1.5 Mils lol that's it.

Going through the NICU and even now I'm very proud of myself for continuing to pump for my son, it's so good for him to have. It may be HARD and I may drop his bedtime bottle off the counter and loose 4 oz of milk in one quick swoop, I might cry a little over this split milk which I allow myself to do but I will pick it right back up tomorrow and the next day and the next because my little man deserves it.

So I have been slacking a bit with Blogging, but poor little Miles is teething BAD and on top of that is going through a bit of separation anxiety. By a bit I mean I literally can't put him down with out a tear being shed, this makes typing hard as I haven't quite mastered the one handed typing.

On the Miles front, yes he is teething once again, as if 6 teeth in the last 2 months isn't enough. He is getting 2 at the same time on either side of his bottom front teeth. Poor little drooling man, he seems to be the happiest when he has his pointer finger just sitting on the tooth, its way cute but makes everyone around him soaking wet!

Do to this not so much fun teething experience poor little man is going through, we are getting very little sleep and the sleep we do get is very broken up. Most nights we aren't going to bed till 11 O'clock and he is up at 2 then 5 then 7 and maybe if I'm lucky he goes back down till 9. Its so great the little things that just seem so wonderfully silly when you are incredibly sleep deprived.....

The other night we were doing our normal bedtime routine....Bath, Bottle in our bed while we read him a story and then when Miles finished his bottle he was fussing a bit so we both cuddled up next to him on either side and after about 5 silent minutes of hoping he had finally fallen asleep I whisper to Brian "He is holding my ear" , Brian responds " He is holding my eyebrow" LOL it was a great moment, silent laughing of course as to not wake little man up!

Wonderful moment

There is just something so wonderfully beautiful about just holding your baby, not because they are hungry, to comfort them or to play but just to hold them and in the moment just loving each other.

I remember the first time I held Miles against my chest, he was 6 days old we were doing Kangaroo Care which is were the baby is just in his diaper and the mom (or dad) bares there chest so you can be skin to skin. For preemies this is such an encouraged care to do for your baby, it helps develop a bond between the parent and baby you miss out on in those first few hours of life, it help moms produce the milk their babies need, but its also shown to help preemies become stronger.........I remember those 20 minutes, not the smell or who was around, not his stats or the amount of tubes he had but I remember the moment, the beautiful feeling we shared together.

Tonight I experienced a moment so similar, something only Miles and I shared with this familiar feeling from the past.

Miles and I were taking a bath (we bathe together yes, he was to small for his bath when he came home so with me it was just easier and now we both love it!) Anyways, he was getting tired and usually that means we need a quick bath to get him out before he fusses but not tonight. Tonight we got in and I was letting him play but he kept reach up to me like he wanted to be held so I laid back a bit and brought him up on my chest and he just laid his little head down and stared his beautiful blue eyes at me. We just looked at each other, I trickled water down his back so he wouldn't get cold and we were just in this beautiful moment together once again for no other reason then we just wanted to be.